it will not always be raining

it won't always go how you want it to go 
but the flower needs the rain 
just as it needs the sun to grow 
there will always be something 
that's beyond your control 
but you'll never live 'til you let it go 

don't you give up on me now, we've got too far to go 
and your life isn't over 
until you say it's so 
there will always be someone 
who will love you, then lay you low 
but you'll never live 'til you let it go 

no, it won't always go how you want it to go 
the rain will surely find you 
and the sun will come and go 
but it will not always be raining 
seasons change, people grow 
and you'll never live 'til you let it go 


pain and heartache 
all your doubts, all your worries 
all your fear and apathy 
your hate and jealousy 
you've gotta lay them down 
gotta bury them in the ground 
'cause you'll never live 'til you let it go 

you'll never live 'til you let it go

Always thankful.

I feel as if, by the grace of God, I've truly turned a corner. Even as I sit here trying to organize my thoughts I can't help but notice how alive I feel.

This is a new thing. A recent development.

The layers are coming off slowly and surely, just like I was told they would. I'm waking up every morning with energy and excitement to start my day...I can't remember the last time I felt like that. Maybe years ago? It's a small sign that I'm headed in the right direction. And for that I am so deeply grateful. Thank you, Jesus.

I cut my hair, another layer shed, and it makes me feel like Val. I would put up a picture, but I don't have one suitable for the internetz. :)

What else? I'm having fun with people, not hiding behind anxiety and fear. Allowing me to just by myself, and more importantly showing myself grace.

I'm learning how to take care of myself and set healthy boundaries. Even the smallest ones make a difference.

Yes, I'm so thankful for these things.

found here >>> http://shannonicole.tumblr.com/

Last week's thoughts. Do I dare?

Some days I don't pick up my phone. I intentionally bury my phone in the bottom of my purse I won't hear it ringing while I'm running errands. I leave it there when I get home in a place out of reach. The missed call messages and voice mails start to pile up. Messages I don't ever get around to listening to. Some days I cancel my plans at the last minute - texting an apology with a made up conflict. I might be working late. I might be coming down with something. But I'm really just avoiding. I'm buried in worry and doubt. I'm overwhelmed by trying to live life on my own.

For the longest time I had no idea what lies behind my outward behavior. No one's ever really called me out. There aren't any "Where've you been's?" or "We miss you's!" or "Is everything ok's?" I'm so good at pretending to be normal...not ever being really known...that even I don't suspect a thing on most days.

I've started to imagine all of this pent up-smooshed up stuff like the ultimate muffin top. It's all there, years and years of ignoring what I feel, and it's starting to spill over the top! All that stuff you don't get to process through, for whatever reason, doesn't go away. But I just suck it in and zip it up. By now you can bet it all comes naturally, automatically... And yet, it doesn't feel quite right.

There is good news. I'm learning that {it's ok to not be ok.} Ultimately, there's a purpose in hardship. I'm not in control and I can't fix myself. But I have a God who knows me, loves me, stays close to me, and is big enough for all of my problems. He died for my freedom, and so toward it, baby step by baby step, I will walk.

28. Solid Gold.

On your birthday it's inevitable that someone asks whether you feel wiser, more distinguished...

All I can say is that, by this time in my life I've finally figured out how to do my hair and how to procrastinate effectively. And I can't ask for much more.

“If anyone would tell you the shortest, surest way to all happiness and all perfection, he must tell you to 
make a rule to yourself to thank and praise God for everything
that happens to you.

It is certain that whatever seeming calamity happens to you,
if you thank and praise God for it,
you turn it into a blessing.

If you could work miracles,
therefore, you could not do more for yourself
than by this thankful spirit.

It heals and turns all that it touches into happiness.”

~ William Law, A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life

Truth.