One word for 2014.

I sit here wondering how to tell this story.

Will anything I write make sense? Maybe not.

If you know me, I've probably told you something of my journey through the places I keep hidden in my heart. It's been over a year now. "Coming to terms with parts of my childhood" is what I was taught to say. I grew up in a chaotic, dysfunctional, alcoholic family. And if you asked me, everything was OK. Until one day, it wasn't.

With my eyes wide and wary, unable to see where I was going next, I put one foot in front of the other. That's all I could do. And all the while I prayed that the Lord would help me know Him and believe Him. I had to go back to basics.

Most nights I didn't sleep. The burden was too much and all I wanted to do was hide.

And I did hide. I hid under my blankets. I covered my face.

But, little by little, a light was shone on those dark corners.

I learned to say things out loud that I'd never said before.

I cried a lot.

Some days I could feel the broken pieces of my heart being stitched back together by the Creator of it all.

He's still working. I'm not done. But I can say to you today, with a smile on my face, that I'm better.

It's with that behind me that I gladly face 2014. I have high hopes of learning who I am. What I like. What I don't like. What I need. What I want. What I'm good at. I want to give myself a voice. All of these things that I've never had before.

I think about things like "How can I grow into myself?" and "What do I really want to do with this life?" The fantasies I've allowed myself so far have been so small. And I don't want to do small anymore.

Dream.

I talked about it just for a quick minute on A Collaborative Effort.

DREAM.

This is my word for 2014. And I'm praying for all that word encompasses.

Oh dear Jesus, will you place the dreams you have for me in my heart? I know that what you dream for me is so much bigger than I could ever imagine. Give me the eyes to see them clearly. Give me courage to be myself and to act when I feel you nudge my spirit. Thank you for who you are and for all that you've done for me. You are all that I need.